Wednesday, 25 January 2017
Last night S asked me why we were going to the hospital today. We've talked about it with her before, told her that it's just a few tests to check her co-ordination, no big deal. The School just want to see if they can give her any extra support should she need it, and she has seemed happy with that explanation in the past. So, I went over it again. What it was for, what they would be doing, as best I could.
When she was finally assured that no operation would be taking place and no, she wouldn't have to go in a lift ( I think she was more anxious about the lift part to be honest) She then asked if she absolutely had to go.
I paused and thought about this for a moment "No" " I said carefully "No you don't have to do anything you don't want to but it would be really helpful if you did" S mulled this over for a while and then came the punch in the gut, she said "Do my teachers think there's something wrong with me Mum" I wanted to cry but big gulp, deep breath before I answered "Of course not" "They just want to see if you need any extra help in school that's all" And she nodded and went back to what she was doing before; A mash up of fencing and Karate with my Nan's old walking stick. Me? Well I went upstairs and I sobbed.
This afternoon we're going to the Hospital for a Dyspraxia assessment. I know why we're going, I know a little about what to expect, not everything and that causes me some anxiety to be honest. I hate not feeling prepared but I've done enough research on Dyspraxia to know that an official diagnosis will no doubt benefit S in the long run. An early diagnosis especially will be an advantage to her, but right at this minute? I'm feeling pretty bloody angry about it all, about having to put her through it. I'm angry that we have to take her to be tested for all the things that we love and celebrate about her and simply make her 'her', and I'm sad. I feel sad that my beautiful girl thinks that there might be anything wrong with who she is, or that she has to consider even for a second that anyone else might see something wrong with who she is
To describe S to those who have never met her, well it would take an entire blog post of it's own, she truly is unique. She is loving and kind and funny, and a great mimic! S is a real Tom Boy who loves playing football with the boys, but who is equally sensitive and feels very deeply. She is creative, she loves to play and invent new games, her inquisitive mind just bursting with ideas. However she struggles to execute these ideas exactly as she had imagined in her head.
She can be blunt and takes things quite literally, she either blurts out the first thing that comes into her head, or she doesn't what to say at all. S struggles to find her place in friendships groups much preferring to spend time one on one and struggles in large social situations, this can lead to real frustrations on her part, and then understandably with her peers too.
Wednesday, 4 January 2017
9.30 am Rule one. We do not talk about Soft Play.
Actually that's a load of bollocks because Soft Play is ALL we've talked about ALL morning. It's week two of the school holidays, it's raining and despite Father Christmas delivering what looks like the entire contents of Toys R Us, your child is bored. Soft Play is probably the only thing to do today that won't mean me having to arrange an overdraft to pay for it.
Spend several minutes being angry with myself for being the only Mum in Cheshire without a family pass to Chester Zoo, then start to get a bit teary about S being an only child. Start to spiral a bit then, start a thread on Mumsnet asking if we're causing her irreparable damage with her lack of siblings.
Blame Mr O for lack of Chester Zoo family pass.
10.30 am Text S's friends to see if they would like to attend Soft Play, sadly they're busy, probably at Chester Zoo. Mutter again about lack of sibling and Zoo family pass but Mr O already looks like he's lost the will to live so leave it there.
We're about to go to Soft Play on his day off give the man a break.
Sunday, 1 January 2017
So that's it 2016 is over, and I for one was more than ready to say goodbye to it. I honestly think it'll be the year we look back on and say "What the f*** was that all about"
I'm not just talking about Brexit here, or Trump *shudder* or the much loved talent we lost in 2016, those that sound tracked our youths, those who inspired us and made us laugh. Those that made the Eurovision worth tuning in for, thanks Terry. It's just that overall 2016 felt very unsettling, for me anyway. I can't blame that all on 2016, It's not like I was ever going to wake up this morning and find out that David Bowie didn't die, Brexit didn't happen and Trump isn't going to be President, unfortunately.
2016 just seemed to bring with it a whole heap of challenges, some of which I've documented here in my blog and some that I haven't. I've touched upon things such as anxiety, work related problems (and therefore money related problems cheers Steve) Dyspraxia. All things that may seem trivial compared to the challenges other face in their lives, but each one has left it's mark in some way. Not all of those challenges are over for us, some will take us into 2017 but how I approach them? Well that is going to different, it needs to be different.